Discouraged Dad, when is it time to quit?

[asiancoach]

Daughter loves the sport, rail thin, uncoordinated, at what age/grade do you know that you have potential or you should look into something else.

[scoutnwhoops]

If she loves the sport let her play. There are plenty of kids who have a great time playing high school basketball, even at the JV level. Their passion is the same, they enjoy the game, have fun with the closeness of teammates and competition.

I still play football with my friends and I was never, even for a minute, a college prospect as a football player.

[acusefan4ever]

sports are supposed to be fun

If she enjoys it and wants to play then she should. If your upset about her "potential" and are worried about her getting a scholarship then you need to look in the mirror and figure out what is important.

I will give you a hint though about some things that should be important:

1)your daughters happiness
2)your daughters happiness
3)your daughters happiness

here are things that shouldn't be important

1)her "potential"
2)her scoring average
3)her chances of getting a scholarship

If she doesn't want to play then she should walk away but if your discouraged because its become clear she isn't going to make u rich thats your problem, let her be.

[coachdarkansasraptors]

Nicely put fan4ever. Your daughter may not be the gift to basketball you hoped her to be but basketball may be a gift to her that you do not understand. We all have things that we like to do that we are not the best in but we do because we love them and find them enjoyable. I love to fish but I am not that good at it because I do not get to do it often. If your daughter is having a good time playing this game then let her be a kid and play this game. And if she wants to put in the extra work to become better at the game that she loves even if she is never going to be a superstar at it. Let her do so. Hard work in basketball will teach her lessons for the rest of her life and also teach her how to work hard the rest of her life.

[ifyousayso]

Daughter loves the sport, rail thin, uncoordinated, at what age/grade do you know that you have potential or you should look into something else.


What grade is your daughter in?

[allhoops]

Remember basketball is a game which can be enjoyed well into your 50's...{playing wise} be happy that your daughter still likes to play....alot has to to with the coaches she has had....its a fine balance between teaching,coaching and keeping the game fun....:o

[acasualfan]

unfortunately I quit playing due to years of wear and tear. I now hit that little white ball and chase it down the fairway. I really enjoy wbb due to the reliance on fundamentals, defense rebounding and the type of game I used to play. Dunking was outlawed during the years I played competitively. That is why I think all this effort to dunk by women is basically for show instead of a offensive weapon. Sure it provides intimidation to lesser players but until you can grab a ball and dunk consistently ( and over other people) other than a breakaway down the court its is just for the media and replays. Although on message boards it does get alot of response. I was talking to someone and showed him the replay after CP dunked against UCONN and he said and I quote " you call that a dunk ha". I then showed him the last five minutes of the Duke Maryland national championship game and I quote " Now that is some serious BBALL. These girls can play. This was from a dedicated Men's BBALL fan ( who would otherwise would not view a women's game) who I play golf with. He even asked for me to make him a DVD of the game. To all ladies BBAll players your game is special. Keep playing that way.

[Hoopsking]

Let her play as long as she wants to play. It keeps balance in their life. As they get older, they will understand where they are. If she still wants to play, then she should play. I know a guy who once played on my H.S. team. He wasn't very good, but he played very hard and gave it every ounce of effort that he had. One day I asked him:

Why are you so thrilled to be on a team knowing you are not going to play hardly at all?

Answer: I just feel good being part of a team and being around the game. Playing time is not as important to me as building friendships and staying in shape. He told me just being part of the school team made him feel like he was contributing to the school and a part of something unique.

He did not go off to play college ball, but he got a 4-year scholarship as a trainer on the basketball team at a DII school. He used this scholarship to excel in the classroom. He then went off to Georgtown law school. He's now a managing partner at personal injury law firm.

My point is that he used basketball to develop a great attitude, hard work and dedication. He used basketball as a model to help him succeed in the real world. He actually plays with me in the NYC Urban Professional league at the age of 40 and is still playing harder than he did when we were in High School in North Carolina.

We call him "Animal" lol.

[allhoops]

....There was a time when it was am honor just to be on a High school team......and not even get off the bench.....just being there meant something.....you also practiced everyday and improved.....do you think that attitude is still around today?.....

[ifyousayso]

Let her play as long as she wants to play. It keeps balance in their life. As they get older, they will understand where they are. If she still wants to play, then she should play. I know a guy who once played on my H.S. team. He wasn't very good, but he played very hard and gave it every ounce of effort that he had. One day I asked him:

Why are you so thrilled to be on a team knowing you are not going to play hardly at all?

Answer: I just feel good being part of a team and being around the game. Playing time is not as important to me as building friendships and staying in shape. He told me just being part of the school team made him feel like he was contributing to the school and a part of something unique.

He did not go off to play college ball, but he got a 4-year scholarship as a trainer on the basketball team at a DII school. He used this scholarship to excel in the classroom. He then went off to Georgtown law school. He's now a managing partner at personal injury law firm.

My point is that he used basketball to develop a great attitude, hard work and dedication. He used basketball as a model to help him succeed in the real world. He actually plays with me in the NYC Urban Professional league at the age of 40 and is still playing harder than he did when we were in High School in North Carolina.

We call him "Animal" lol.


Great story Hoops! I think that having a daughter that is interested in playing sports, any sport, whether a phenom or one that is last off the bench allows for multiple positives in the players life.

It promotes hard work and dedication, being a team player, pushing through and not quitting, physical fitness, "belonging" as well as keeps your daughter active and not as vulnerable to "other" activities that are not so positive.

All of these things are transferrable to everyday life applications in the real world as an adult. Also, it is looked upon favorably by colleges when an applicant for entrance not only has great grades but show that they are mult-taskers in high school through sports, clubs, etc.

I dont think there is anything wrong with introducing her with other sports in the off season, softball, soccer, etc. but not because she doesnt perform to your standards at basketball.

And for you as a parent, I think your pride should come in the fact that you are getting to participate with your daughter in this journey regardless of whether she excels. In a short amount of time - almost like a blink - she will be grown and gone... but you will always have these memories... While it may seem a "waste" of your time now you could never know how precious these moments are until they are over. Enjoy it!!!

[moto]

As a parent of 13 and 15 year old daughters who play, these issues are close to the heart.

Some young kids have a spark. It might be athleticism, court smarts, an early mastery of shooting, quick feet. It might be attitude. Rarely all come at once, but that's unusual. So as a parent, when it looks like they are having fun, you nurture that spark. You drive back and forth to games and practices for months on end, pay thousands of dollars for AAU travel, buy matching headbands.

A girl with a spark can get to highschool basketball pretty passively. The can get a glimpse of the opportunity to excel at something, be recognized for excellence, and have that something lead to a college opportunity. But for an adolescent girl to make a decision to commit herself to rising to become a top performer, the game is taken from the realm of exuberant play and team companionship into the realm of individual commitment, ambition, hard work.

This isn't a natural age to face decisions about goals that require such sacrifice. . There are homecoming dances and cell phones and geometry and driving lessons. And some minor distractors like sexuality and independence.

I think a parent's role is to help them understand the nature of the decision they have to make. Describe the if-then consequences of their choices, the pros and cons of making the commitment, or not-making the commitment. The opportunity to excel at this is temporary. Other opportunities.to excel may be forthcoming. To excel is one of many ways to live in the world. I think my job is to help keep the door open as they make their difficult decision. And to remember it's not about what I value- I have already given whatever I have to give about that.

[asiancoach]

Thanks very good responses, you guys nailed it, it should be about having fun. She is in the 7th grade.

[lordsofdogtown]

Asiancoach. I have a daughter that in the 8th grade was only a part time starter on a bad middle school team. She however, is one of the most focused and hard working human beings I've ever known. She also was a "late bloomer" so to speak. An amazing coach took an interest in her and while she was never close to being the most talented player on the floor, through her perseverance and hard work she became a 1st team all conference athlete in three different sports by her senior year. While she didn't go on to play college athletics, she loved playing in high school and her mother and I loved watching her play.
So enjoy your daughter, don't get caught up in wanting her to be a star in basketball. I'm sure she is a star in many other areas of life.