Parent Coaches

[thoops]

I would hoping for input/experience on your views about parent coaches (coaching their daughter) for more than 1 or 2 years in a row at the school select level. Scenario: Parent has the top player on team, coaches basketball knowledge average. Do you also think that players should be exposed to different coaches throughout their select careers or 1 coach for all the years?

[daReporta]

In MOST circumstances - a parent coach rides their own daughter more then they do the other kids on the team, as to not seem partial. In SOME circumstances - a parent coach takes a team because his daughter is the star of the show - only when the parent is coaching. Put the kid on another team and they are average at best. My daughter was on a "parent-run" team - we found solace in putting her on a non-related coach's team. There are no favorites - it is an elite team and there is no animosity between the girls on the court.

[bigbballfan]

If the parent coach is a "qualified" coach with experience why should it matter? Would you rather have a non parent coach with no coaching qualifications? If the players are all treated fairly, playing time is based on performance and the players are improving individually and as a team I feel it should be a non-issue.
________
SQUIRTING SEX (http://www.fucktube.com/categories/38/squirting/videos/1)

[grlsbbfan]

I would strongly discourage having my child coached by a parent. I speak from experience of coaching my daughter myself and she is now being assistant coached by her father. When we moved to AAU ball my husband and I were not going to coach her anymore but he was pulled in when there was a coaching turnover in the organization. As far as my daughter is concerned, she does not accept his critizism the same way she does from her head coach. The father/daughter relationships is there first and naturally daughters want to please their fathers. She takes his critizism as she is failing him as a daughter. I think there are very few father/daughter or mother/daughter coaching relationships that work. I am looking forward to her move to high school and her having a true coach/athlete relationship. I believe her game will excell.

[redrocket]

i have coached my 2 daughters and son in CYO for the past 4 years. my oldest daughter(7th grade) plays just for fun, my son and his younger sister are better athletes. my daughter(5th grade) plays PG and is there best player on her team. my son(6th grade) plays SG and is the 2nd best player on his team. i am harder on my kids because they understand that i cant let them get away with stuff because i dont want the other kids to also slack off. i have told them in front of their teams that i will be harder on them and they understand. i coach them at practice and parent them on the way home. they have come to understand that what happens at practice stays at practice.

my 2 youngest played aau for the first time this spring. unfortuanately they both played out of position. my daughter played a small forward spot and my son a pf spot. this happened because their team was weak at those spots and the other kids wouldnt have helped out there. the coaches moved people around to hide as many weakness as possible. i did like the fact that they were both coached by good people and re-inforced many of my own principals. they were just explained differently and for some kids hearing it from another coach can make a bigger impact. the girls team coach had a daughter that played the point.....decent shooter, but made too many turn-overs. and shots too much. yet she started and played the most. this didnt make me too happy but i didnt want to cause any problems.

coaching ones kid can be good if it done for the right reasons. i enjoy spending the time with them and they like me coaching them. even though i make them run more and can never miss practice.

[ladiesfirst]

All Parents, PLEASE read carefully what grlsbbfan said about the daughter feeling that she's "failing him as a daughter." Very profound.

We get lots of parent-coaching here. Been there. Done that. And some parents are indeed tougher on their own children; but most often, those suffering souls are thrust into starting, and starring roles. They play the Point. They Pitch, and bat cleanup. Quarterback? Fer sure! It's nauseating.

And, while I agree that coaches should be "qualified," and experienced. It certainly does matter. I caution that there's SO much more to any and all sport(s), especially at the pre-high school level, than Xs and Os. It's UN-measurable, the damage done, the pain caused, by so many parent-coaches; to their own, and with regularity, to countless other children.

Should parents coach? Sure! But, coach others' children, while watching very closely, as others coach yours.

[scarter]

All Parents, PLEASE read carefully what grlsbbfan said about the daughter feeling that she's "failing him as a daughter." Very profound.

We get lots of parent-coaching here. Been there. Done that. And some parents are indeed tougher on their own children; but most often, those suffering souls are thrust into starting, and starring roles. They play the Point. They Pitch, and bat cleanup. Quarterback? Fer sure! It's nauseating.

And, while I agree that coaches should be "qualified," and experienced. It certainly does matter. I caution that there's SO much more to any and all sport(s), especially at the pre-high school level, than Xs and Os. It's UN-measurable, the damage done, the pain caused, by so many parent-coaches; to their own, and with regularity, to countless other children.

Should parents coach? Sure! But, coach others' children, while watching very closely, as others coach yours.

COACH others' children, while watching very closely as others' coach YOURS.....

That is how it is suppose to be.

[funhoops]

Personally, I think having coaches who sole source of income is training and coaching young girls is far more detrimental than parent coaches. Too often paid coaches and programs are more focused on program/club development than player development. Additionally when someone makes a living of training girls, too often their perspective is distorted because their whole world revolves around girls basketball. I agree that coaching young girls is more than X's and O's and that's why a coach should have a broader perspective than a coach who makes his living coaching.
Lastly, parents often allow these paid coaches and paid programs to treat their daughters far worse than what they would tolerate from a volunteer/parent coach. The parents are hoodwinked into believing that these paid programs are the only path to future success and as result they allow some of these paid coaches to treat their daughters horribly.

[grlsbbfan]

I thought I would update you on my comments regarding this thread. My daughter has spent the last month being coach by her upcoming high school coach and what a process it has been. Her game has grown drastically, her athlete/coach relationship is what she can expect if she plays in college and we have found out what a waste of time it was for her being coached by her father for the last two years. My husband no longer focuses on the one mistake she made during a game but all the postive contributions she is making. She is finding out that she was given too much lead way to "converse" with her coach on the bench during the game. Now she is one of the team with a specific role and she is to take direction without "conversation". I am in heaven!;)

[crossover]

I have coached both of my daughters at the CYO level and the AAU level. I have made it a specific policy to limit their exposure to me for NO-MORE than 2 seasons. At the youth level their talents will come out just like water seeks its level, it's the different perspectives and styles of different coaches that will both round out their games and bring them to a higher level. THEY WILL TUNE YOU OUT EVENTUALLY.

They need (AND WANT) to learn from different people and they need (AND WANT) to see you support them as a parent and not as a coach when you are finally not their coach. They are smarter than we think and will retain the good things you taught them, but they will really appreciate and remember the parental support you give them once they are with someone else. Coach them and cut them loose.............do both, it is the healthy thing to do for them and you. It can be rewarding on many levels.

Once they have moved on you should continue to support them by giving them the opportunity to get better by promoting their desires to improve, not by "CLOSET-COACHING" them after a game, but by acknowledging you have reached your limits of coaching and by bringing them to an outside source (trainer, new program, shooting coach, etc.). Remember they are only players for a few years........They are OUR DAUGHTERS forever.

[beeeazy]

I hear what yall are saying, but it's hard to let go. I've coached my daughter for 3 years now and we've always been one of the top 2 select teams in DFW at our age level. I want to let go but it seems hard to find a program that seems right.

When she played briefly with another squad last year to help out she was made the center of attention. They left her on the court when she didn't play hard/well and showed attitude. They valued her positives so much that they ignored her negatives. Although the stat column looked great after games, I was rarely happy with how she played.

On our team, although she is one of the top 2, she comes off the bench. I think I have become in some ways, what is best for her, and what is worse for her.

It's helpful reading some of your comments. There is a lot of truth in them!!

[mdarmstrong]

We've had both situations with my two girls. Good and bad. If the parent coach comes highly qualified, it can work. We have that currently with my youngest at the U-14 level. My U-16 daughter is coached by a young high school coach with no kids. That's working great too. I'd say that most parent coaching situations don't work well but at the younger age levels, many times there are no other options. It really comes down to the individual, his or her knowledge, etc

[hbodu1]

I coached my daughter on her AAU team for 3 years - one as an assistant and 2 as a head coach. It took me a couple of weeks to find a balance for working with her. i learned to use teammates to work with players on skills. i would teah the skill, then have those who could do the skill work with those who have difficulty, without my supervision.

I took over the team out of necessity. I viewed AAU basketball as having a different purpose. I feel HHS ball is about sacrificing for your team and AAU is about learning the position you are fitted for at the next level. So if you are 6'2" but can shoot from the outside, in HS you may spend all of your time in the post but AAU should give you a chance to play the wing.

Because of this I was always spending time teaching my players something new so i didn't have time to focus on my daughter. In fact, one of my assistants had the job of correcting my daughter during games. I coached effort and gave specific advise during games as well as positive reinforcement.

The onus is on the parent to keep the team dynamic positive. If the focus is on winning tournaments, it makes it hard to keep a good relationship with your daughter as it can become too emotional. If the team has a teaching purpose, it has a chance of working.

[dtrain34]

I'm in an odd situation right now... I am coaching my daughter on a single-high school fall league team. It is the first time, not counting assisting with a rec league team when she was in fourth grade, that I have coached her. The tightrope I am walking on this deal is that she IS a pretty good player, but she is still in the 8th grade. While I have tried to treat her exactly like everyone else in terms of criticism or praise, I'm torn between wanting to put her on the court more because she is probably a strong enough player to be out there but, on the other hand, knowing that the goal of the team is to get the high school girls ready for their varsity season; which she will not be playing. Example, yesterday she scored 19 points in our first game of the day, but in a later game, with two more actual high school girls available, I sat her most of the game. Having coached college and high school for years before "hanging it up" in 2000, I'm enjoying it, but I am also not the one tasked with supposedly making her a "top" player if she ever becomes one; she has her AAU coach, her middle school coach and her high school coach-to-be for all that.

[pgcop]

for what its worth parent coaches cripple their daughters growth in the long run. it can be done effectively for a breif period but it is not good for the kid overall. the beauty is you can play her to her strengths, she can be comfortable, yes she has her best games with you as the coach and she gains confidence but she won't reach her maximum potential that she would get playing through the adversity of not having each situation catered to what she can do but attempting do do things in real life situations. imagine a teacher teaching his child from K-12, sure she would probably get straight A's but in college those A's will probaby become C's unless the parent teaches her in college too. but what about the job market she probably will suffer but I guess you can step I hire her and be the parent boss. pqrent coaches also overcompensate by being harder and/or even not playing their kids a lot, another bad move in the long term. bottom line believe it or not learning through adversity and failure is the best way to grow. but parent coaches can't let their babies fail, they love them too much for that thus they cripple them.

[Rebounded]

a Greek tragedy. But what about Tiger and his Dad?

[bballmom]

If a parent is an established, good coach in their own right, then it seems to work a little better. However, too many times, good parents think they can just walk onto the gym floor and be good coaches because they played in college or HS and they "know" the game. This is generally a bad situation. There is some parent/child bonding that can be really great when the child is a pee wee and a parent chooses to volunteer coach a team, as long as the parent remembers that, as 6-8 yr. olds, its about having fun on the court and nothing more. We have all seen the pee wee parent/coach that thinks they're the coach of the Celtics or something and ruins the experience for the kids...especially their own kid.

Many parents feel the "need" to coach their child. That's OK, but let someone else be your child's coach. As a parent and an interested observer, you can always supplement what your child is learning from others by supporting the coach's messages to your child, and tweaking their techniques and fundamentals away from team activity. That way, the child reaps the benefits of having a "team" coach and a "personal" coach.

To answer another earlier question, I think its really, really important for young players to be coached by a variety of coaches as they grow up. Young players learn different schemes, techniques, and fundamentals from each coach, and each team experience. Too often, the kid that's only ever had one coach growing up is lost when they get to HS and are finally coached by someone new. I disagree with the AAU programs that allow coaches to follow teams all the way up from 10s or 11s.

As a discerning parent, its important to know specifically the basketball or personal learning needs of your young player from year to year, and which coach will help your kid the most. You and your child, together, should be constantly evaluating your child's game from season to season, and setting development goals. This should help you arrive at a great decision in selecting your childs coach, and helping your young player become the best she can be.

[pgcop]

a Greek tragedy. But what about Tiger and his Dad?

let me clarify a little by no means am I saying that a player can't br great being coached or trained by a parent. a lot of times the parent may be the most qualified one to teach. however what I am saying is that the child usually doesn't reach their full potential and therefor is crippled. a parent teaching is limited by their own limitations. in most cases their are weaknesses that every person and parents have that they can't effectively teach or teach only on a certain level. although I was referring to team sports in the case of tiger, his putting was subpar originally. he had strong drives which was due to training (dad) and physical ability (genetics) but someone else had to refine his short game before he became a more complete golfer. also character flaws of a parent can limit a kids development. last point if the parent can't detatch emotionally it can become a hinderance to the point of a mental shut down.

[Rebounded]

let me clarify a little by no means am I saying that a player can't br great being coached or trained by a parent. a lot of times the parent may be the most qualified one to teach. however what I am saying is that the child usually doesn't reach their full potential and therefor is crippled. a parent teaching is limited by their own limitations. in most cases their are weaknesses that every person and parents have that they can't effectively teach or teach only on a certain level. although I was referring to team sports in the case of tiger, his putting was subpar originally. he had strong drives which was due to training (dad) and physical ability (genetics) but someone else had to refine his short game before he became a more complete golfer. also character flaws of a parent can limit a kids development. last point if the parent can't detatch emotionally it can become a hinderance to the point of a mental shut down.

It is true, have seen it on the court, unfortunately.

[Russ]

The Jackson's father was the trainer. MJ's father was his baseball and basketball coach. Serena and Venus learned it all from Pops as they have stated. And he was a bully dad. Bubba Paris....we know how his twin girls are doing.

The list goes on past and present day atheletes, musicans, singers, etc. Parents are usually the first coaches in the kids life. Some kids feel more comfortable playing under and dad or mom.

Will they have to adjust someday? Yes, just as one adjust to a new job or school. In some cses where the parent is a nut..and living through the kid...its bad.

But, if it does work and can work, let it. One thing is clear in both cases...the parent loves and supports his or her child.

[da silent 1]

a parent coaching their kid at any sport is very delicate. in most cases the father/daughter, father/son dynamic comes in to play in a negative fashion. tiger woods and his dad, kara lawson and her dad, bobby hurley and his dad are more the exception than the rule. for each of these cases that turned out positive and highly sucessful there are twenty fold cases where the dynamic of parent and child rears its ugly head. i trained boxers professionally and there are examples of discord at a certain point between father and son where the child is rebellious and the father becomes over important to name one dynamic. many a potential champ coached by his dad lost focus and desire. can it be done, certainly should it be done i would suggest no. as a parent one of your jobs is to cheer your kid on and to be their biggest fan. it is hard when you are the coach. a young child sometimes cannot differentiate between coaching and parenting and will misinterpret. some kids will always see you as their parent and will focus in on the different behavior you exhibit to the others and how you treat them. at the younger age group i don't think it is as impactful as when the kid gets older ( 14 and up). in addition there is always and will always be the intrigue and drama from other players and parents about the treatment you dish out in comparison to your own. whether this is valid or not. is this something you really want to deal with and what is the impact on your child. in addition it is a burden on the parent as well trying to coach your kid and ethusiastically root for them during the course of a game. it is tough going at best. knowing some of this and the comments of others making the decision to do this thing is a heavy assignment and choice to take on, when at the end of the day i am sure every parent wants what is best for their child, they want their child to enjoy, learn and grow through sport, and most of all the parent wants to stand up all puff up and shout about how thats my kid. that is what you tamper with in an effort to play a dual and dangerous role. think about it!!!!

[coachdarkansasraptors]

I think that when they were naming parents and coaches two different words they did it for the reason that they needed to be two different people. And that way we had parents and knew what they were and we had a name for the other important people in our kids lives called coaches. But that they were two different people that is why have the two different names. I have a son who is a great player but is a child who I have never coached in my entire life. I have coached girls basketball for 16 years and have had no desire to coach my son ever. I feel that as parents we without knowing cater to our childs strengths and weaknesses and when you are not doing that we are putting on a show for others by overstating our childs weaknesses to the group so as to display no favorites. I think that as coaches we find a kids strengths and weaknesses and as good coaches start to work on their weaknesses till we have made them their strengths and the strengths we try to make perfect. As parents and coaches we make a team that make our kids lives better. Now I will assure you that my child has had some coaches where I did not agree with their coaching in many ways and knew that if I had that team with that talent I could do a better job. The reason why I do not coach that team is because that is my son's world and his team not my team. I have my things and he deserves to have his things and his team and basketball are his things. I give my advice when sought and I keep a close eye on the things going on. I even have been known to give a little training when I have been asked about a certain subject by him. But most of the time our basketball is about the girls on my teams and on shooting "horse" outside which we do more than probably normal. I will always believe that you should coach if you want to coach and your child should play if they want to play but the two should not go hand in hand for child's growth as well as for your relationship together.

[PracticePerfect]

I think it makes more sense for parents to coach their child's team because they are obviously more invested in the team than an outsider would be, especially at the rec level, when the pay is probably nonexistent. I do have a problem when coaches favor their own children over other children, however if their child is a great player how can you argue with it? But I will say, although my dad never coached any of my times, he did coach my brother in, who was the worst player on the team!

[BoogieOnDown]

Always a tough one. Parents coaching their kids can get sticky, especially if a parents becomes more invested in it than their child. I've seen this happen a lot..and i'm sure a lot of our kids saw it in High School Musical..

[Russ]

I have not visited this topic in a while.

Some coaches who are parents are only concerned with getting their child minutes. They don't care about the mistakes she makes or the friction it causes when she constantly makes unforced mistakes. They only are happy when their little baby girl is happy.

But, I say to those who do this the rest of the team knows favortism when they see it. "If she can play, she should play, if not she should play depending on the score.

It is not going to help her being ridiculed for dropping passes, shooting airballs, tripping over her shoe strings, etc. Don't be in Denial Parent/Coaches

[da silent 1]

as a coach, i have a level of expectation on the ' duties ' of a parent. Be your childs #1 fan. Pick your child up when they are down. Support them and the team. Limit the critique and negative as much as possible. Be the good cop to coaches bad cop. Allow the coach to coach what ever that style may or may not be. Talk with the coach not at the coach, let your child be the primary concern communicator with coach, as this is a maturation process that carries over to the real world as mom and dad will not always be there and in the real world on the job they can't help. This is done of course as the parent allows and the child is ready.
a coach is teacher, trainer, mentor, bad cop etc. as the situation and duty requires. Each coach has their style which should have been accepted prior to little susie becoming a member of his team.
a player is a student, learner, doer, performer, child etc. They must be pliable, resilient, dedicated and learn to love the game etc.
a player is the only one that has a singular role in the process, and a singular understanding of coach and parent. most young people will adapt and assign as well as expect from each entity and come up with a big picture.
a parent who is a coach complicates the dynamic regardless of their ability in most cases. those who are successful and pull this off are the exception rather than the rule. carrying out this dynamic effects both the parent, the child, the team as well as other parents. the notion in and of itself carries a somewhat negative connotation, true or false. everyone firstly will look at the downside regardless of the performance firstly.
as a parent when and if possible and plausible, i would suggest avoid this dynamic as it is a very difficult road to navigate. in addition every young person is not capable of navigation through the duplicity of who are you now and how do i react and accept this. that is for your child. this is not considering the dynamic of the other members of the team who have complete and separate scenario action going on.
hats off to those who can and have pulled it off. but, if you don't put yourself in the situation it won't happen and more often than not off brand dynamics will rear their head and cause more damage than good. it really is an adult decision to make as a parent will and should believe at some level that their guidance of their child is always better than a stranger!!!!! it comes with being a parent. doesn't make it right or doesn't make it a sure thing, but it is there.:o

[Russ]

For a silent person...boy oh boy when you get rolling watch out:D . Great advice though.

[Star2024]

As a player i high discourage parent coaches. I said I would not play basketball anymore if my dad coached. Like said before it gets to the point where what ever they say to you is in one ear and out the other.

Besides that I have had other experience with it because my AAU coach was a parent of one of the players. There were times that we thought if we did something like her daughter did we would either be ignored or get a unnecessary punishment.

Parents need to learn that the players that are truly dedicated to this sport know what we did wrong during a game. I know from me personally and what I have learned from my teammates is that sometimes we dread getting into the car after a game or practice because there will be some type of criticism that usually ends up in tears and let me tell you it is not the person that is driving that is crying a river.

[alwoods]

Parents should be involved in the recruiting process but they also need to know when to pull back. Some parents want to be everything like write letters and emails when the kid should do it with the help of the parents.

[Hoop Dad in Training]

as a coach, i have a level of expectation on the ' duties ' of a parent. Be your childs #1 fan. Pick your child up when they are down. Support them and the team. Limit the critique and negative as much as possible. Be the good cop to coaches bad cop. Allow the coach to coach what ever that style may or may not be. Talk with the coach not at the coach, let your child be the primary concern communicator with coach, as this is a maturation process that carries over to the real world as mom and dad will not always be there and in the real world on the job they can't help. This is done of course as the parent allows and the child is ready.
.:o


Thankyou...

Your post hits the Bucket "SWOOSH"...

Proud of my Riverside Girls.....

[AnonymousMom]

Yes a parent can coach their child, provided they have the knowledge and ability. Just like any other learning experience, the process starts with the parent. However, the parent has to know when to step back and allow some who is better trained and more knowledgeable take over. Just be prepared to reinforce what the coach teaches.

[DEgurlzhoops]

What if it's your child's all important junior year and she is a pretty decent player getting looks from a few low to mid major Div 1 schools and her high school coach doesn't have the qualifications to coach the team. He/She has selected players that frankly have absolutely no basketball skills at all but are chosen because of his/her relationship with their parents while cutting players that were better and could have really helped the team. Or, placing better players on JV. Practices are a joke, no discipline, players continually make the same mistakes over and over again in practice and in games and there are no consequences. The plays being run have no purpose, no one knows if they should shoot or when they should shoot. The coach continuously gets out coached in games. It's so bad that after the high school season, your child's game has dropped and she enters her AAU season a step or two behind everyone else and has to be coached back up by her AAU coach. If you are a parent who is qualified and can help, should you step in and help or leave your child in the hands of the coach for her all important junior year.

[Star2024]

What if it's your child's all important junior year and she is a pretty decent player getting looks from a few low to mid major Div 1 schools and her high school coach doesn't have the qualifications to coach the team. He/She has selected players that frankly have absolutely no basketball skills at all but are chosen because of his/her relationship with their parents while cutting players that were better and could have really helped the team. Or, placing better players on JV. Practices are a joke, no discipline, players continually make the same mistakes over and over again in practice and in games and there are no consequences. The plays being run have no purpose, no one knows if they should shoot or when they should shoot. The coach continuously gets out coached in games. It's so bad that after the high school season, your child's game has dropped and she enters her AAU season a step or two behind everyone else and has to be coached back up by her AAU coach. If you are a parent who is qualified and can help, should you step in and help or leave your child in the hands of the coach for her all important junior year.

Yes in that case you do step in. Though you have to make sure you are not to controling in the beggining. The players have to make the switch from a lazy coach to a coach that has work to do.

[ielle]

Hey that why your kids have skills training and a great summer coach . College coaches know when kids are in bad situtations. They will still offer her off of what they see in the summer

[DFR84]

Hmmm, this is always a tough one. I think once you get to the High-School Varsity level is when it starts to become more acceptable. At YMCa games you are only going to have 20-30 people at the games, but at a High School game, dpending on the High School, you could have hundreds, maybe a thousand or more people that are going to let you know when you are doing something that is going to hurt the beloved team. Also at this point the athletes themselves will be a little bit more saavy on the subject. South Bend Washington's coach this year is also Skylar Diggins' step-father, and I don't think it is hurting them any. But as for Middle School, YMCA, or any other youth leagues I am and always have been against Parent-Coaches, they will always go one way one there kids, 1) Tougher on their kids than all the others. That is never good for a child, it might cause self-esteem issues and the whole 9 yards. or 2) They will favor there kids, which is usually not the right thing for the team in general and the players as individuals.


Thank you for letting me voice my opinion.

[pheromone]

I coached my daughter from ages 5-16 at all levels including taking up a position on her HS team as a coach......and we have a great realtionship. She begs me to come to her college games though its tough to fly back and forth. Now, in her second year of college she tells me still she misses me and my voice on the sidelines. So, I GUESS it does not work for all but for me and mine it did. I was surprise and very porud to read what she wrote on FaceBook and media page about her role models.